How to Know if You Should Forgive a Guy
Ask yourself how happy you were before this incident., Consider the length of your relationship., Be honest with yourself., Identify your boundaries.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask yourself how happy you were before this incident.
If this is a relationship that you’d like to keep, then you can give some serious thought to forgiving him.
If you were already unhappy, then continuing the relationship might not be a good idea anyway.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
Is this relationship worth your time to save in the first place? Were you happy and fulfilled, or did the relationship hinder you in some way? For example, if you spent most of your time worrying about incidents like these, you might want to reconsider the relationship.
If you were unhappy in the relationship already, then you might be better off to just move on. -
Step 2: Consider the length of your relationship.
While the length of a relationship does not necessarily determine the strength or value of it, there are some things to consider.
If problems are arising early on in the relationship, you have no reason to assume that they will simply vanish later.
That said, if the relationship has been going strong for a long time, then it might be worth it to evaluate why this incident occurred before ending the relationship.
Avoid the trap of staying in a relationship just because you have been in it for a long time.
If you are unhappy, or the incident is unforgivable in your opinion, feel free to move on. , You must be honest with yourself about whether you want to forgive the guy, about whether or not you want to continue the relationship, and about the fact that what has happened is done.
You cannot go back and undo whatever event created this rift, and if you can’t accept that, you need to be honest and move on.
Try asking yourself, “Did I like our relationship as it was, and can I see it becoming something that makes me happy again in the future?” Ask yourself if you are willing to put in the work.
Restoring trust to a relationship can take a lot of time and hard work.
Ask yourself if you are willing and emotionally prepared to work through the issues in your relationship. , If you are unsure whether you can forgive a guy, this may indicate you haven't set boundaries and you aren't entirely clear what your boundaries are — or what you will and will not accept or tolerate in a relationship.
Take some time (try free-writing) about what is most important to you in a relationship, what your values are, and which behaviors are not in line with those values.
You need to be more clear on your boundaries before you can answer the question of forgiveness.
It is important to communicate your boundaries to the other person — he cannot read your mind, and you may have different ideas of certain concepts ("monogamy" may mean something different to you than it does to him, for instance).
There may be a misunderstanding about what is and is not acceptable in your relationship, and you need to make your boundaries clear.
Talk with each other to clarify these boundaries, and let the guy know that if certain boundaries are crossed, you will end the relationship.
For instance, maybe you're okay with your guy flirting with someone else, but not with anything physical.
If your guy kissed someone else, this is a violation of those boundaries.
If you already set specific boundaries in the relationship that could not be crossed (such as a zero tolerance for lying), you are under no obligation to consider rethinking those boundaries.
In fact, you should probably move on if your boundaries are not respected. -
Step 3: Be honest with yourself.
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Step 4: Identify your boundaries.
Detailed Guide
If this is a relationship that you’d like to keep, then you can give some serious thought to forgiving him.
If you were already unhappy, then continuing the relationship might not be a good idea anyway.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
Is this relationship worth your time to save in the first place? Were you happy and fulfilled, or did the relationship hinder you in some way? For example, if you spent most of your time worrying about incidents like these, you might want to reconsider the relationship.
If you were unhappy in the relationship already, then you might be better off to just move on.
While the length of a relationship does not necessarily determine the strength or value of it, there are some things to consider.
If problems are arising early on in the relationship, you have no reason to assume that they will simply vanish later.
That said, if the relationship has been going strong for a long time, then it might be worth it to evaluate why this incident occurred before ending the relationship.
Avoid the trap of staying in a relationship just because you have been in it for a long time.
If you are unhappy, or the incident is unforgivable in your opinion, feel free to move on. , You must be honest with yourself about whether you want to forgive the guy, about whether or not you want to continue the relationship, and about the fact that what has happened is done.
You cannot go back and undo whatever event created this rift, and if you can’t accept that, you need to be honest and move on.
Try asking yourself, “Did I like our relationship as it was, and can I see it becoming something that makes me happy again in the future?” Ask yourself if you are willing to put in the work.
Restoring trust to a relationship can take a lot of time and hard work.
Ask yourself if you are willing and emotionally prepared to work through the issues in your relationship. , If you are unsure whether you can forgive a guy, this may indicate you haven't set boundaries and you aren't entirely clear what your boundaries are — or what you will and will not accept or tolerate in a relationship.
Take some time (try free-writing) about what is most important to you in a relationship, what your values are, and which behaviors are not in line with those values.
You need to be more clear on your boundaries before you can answer the question of forgiveness.
It is important to communicate your boundaries to the other person — he cannot read your mind, and you may have different ideas of certain concepts ("monogamy" may mean something different to you than it does to him, for instance).
There may be a misunderstanding about what is and is not acceptable in your relationship, and you need to make your boundaries clear.
Talk with each other to clarify these boundaries, and let the guy know that if certain boundaries are crossed, you will end the relationship.
For instance, maybe you're okay with your guy flirting with someone else, but not with anything physical.
If your guy kissed someone else, this is a violation of those boundaries.
If you already set specific boundaries in the relationship that could not be crossed (such as a zero tolerance for lying), you are under no obligation to consider rethinking those boundaries.
In fact, you should probably move on if your boundaries are not respected.
About the Author
Jason Rivera
Writer and educator with a focus on practical pet care knowledge.
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